Crazy German File #6

This was originally posted to Facebook on Jan. 13.

Yep, it's that time again! I was away for a couple weeks at Christmas, so there was nothing that could happen. However, this morning there was yet another one.
As you may know, I have to heat my room with coal. All in all it's not a bad gig. I get some exercise hauling the coal up 5 flights of stairs; I feel all rustic and stuff lighting the fire in the morning; and I don't have to deal with the "I'm feeling a little bit chilly. I wonder if the heat is...Oh! There! It just kicked on."
So, this morning, I'm getting the fire started. Same procedure as every other morning. Open the bedroom door to allow a draft, open the flue, open the ashpan door, open the main fire door. It's all running smoothly and I start my fire. Same old, same old. Then along comes the crazy German. She comes up to my door sniffing and says, "Is it not pulling a draft?"

To which I reply, "Yeah, it's doing the same thing it does every morning."

"Did you open the window?"

"No, I never do."

"Well you should open the window for a few minutes every morning so that it doesn't slay anyone when it enters the hallway."

SLAY anyone?!?! This is the word she used, for you German speakers (erschlagen). I'm too used to all of her craziness to have asked what she was referring to. Was it the Sauerstoffmangel (lack of oxygen) that I was letting out of my room? Was it the fumes from the fire, which had died before I went to bed--I checked? Or was she referring to my terrible night breath? I prefer to think it was the Sauerstoffmangel.

So, three months in to heating my room myself, I'm now expected to open the window so that no one is slain when I heat in the morning. I had been warned about the German mania for drafts. Now, I know it's true. They need fresh air, but can't stand it when it's drafty. Many conversations begin with, "Fresh air!" and quickly turn to, "No, it's too drafty, you'll catch a cold." I'm faced with the triple threat of Fresh air, and the GOOD and the BAD draft. I can't win, really.

On a side note regarding drafts. I heard in the radio yesterday, "Stay bundled up and keep away from drafts, because Cold season is in full swing!" I didn't know the common cold came from drafts, I was pretty sure it came from snot-nosed children. One day soon I'll discuss the German Scarf.