Meat Patty Explode the Stomach

Yes, the post you have been waiting for is finally here. This will detail the quintessence of my culinary experimentation in Beijing, so please sit back, relax, and grab yourself an air comfort bag, if you need one--you know, those little blue bags in the seat pocket under the tray table.
It all started strangely enough, back at the beginning. My first night in Beijing. After I had settled in for a few hours, Marj, Clair and I went out for dinner at a nearby restaurant, Jade Garden. The chinese food was good, but just not quite what I was looking for. I was looking for something I hadn't already had, and/or couldn't have imagined back home. Overall, unremarkable.
After dinner we went for foot massages. These WERE remarkable. I didn't expect much for my $22, but boy was I surprised. After placing herbs in my foot bath and allowing them to soak, my masseuse went into a series of steps that would involve massaging just about my entire body. The only thing missing from the massages I was used to was a little oil and a table to lie on. Otherwise, this was full body massage under the guise of just massaging my "feet." Well worth the price of admission.
On the way back to the apartments we would see the glowing beacon that would taunt me for most of my stay in Beijing. Across the street in what seemed an unlikely location for a culinary strip mall was a yellow, green and red plastic sign glowing like mecca on the horizon, proclaiming my life's goal: Men Ding Li Meat Patty Explode the Stomach.



Not the greatest photo, but you get the idea. There are more to come.
I don't recall when exactly my first visit to Meat Patty was, but the computer tells me it was July 31 or August 1. This visit, although very interesting, was somewhat unremarkable. I went in with the goal of having the Meat Patty, but my theory was incorrect. I don't speak nor read Chinese, so when presented with a menu, I was able to order a beer, Yanjing, and point to the most expensive thing on the menu. It was the culinary equivalent of the opening volley in Battleship. After proclaiming E5, I came up with a miss. It was a tasty dish, to be sure, but I had failed to order the Meat Patty. What I had ordered was this:



I'm pretty sure it was fish, but I'm not positive. It was spicy and interesting. The preparation was something like chili oil, caraway and sesame seeds, pepper and perhaps more, all sauteed together. It was a bit spicy for me, but not bad for a little bit of an experiment. Beer and Fish Total Cost: $3.75
While there, I WAS able to identify the object of my pursuit. On every table around me sat a small plate with what appeared to be a fried bun. I had no way of knowing what was inside, for when they were being consumed they were being devoured. I think the most appropriate verb would be the German verb: fressen, this is eating, but it is only used to refer to animals eating, unless of course one wants to liken an human eater to an animal. Therefore, I declare the Patty either sat idle, or was so quickly gefressen that I had no time to see it. It would have to wait for another day.
So, it was back to Meat Patty on August 5 with an adventurous exchange student from Wisconsin--I'll say nothing of kindred spirits, or land of Cheese here, so don't get your hopes up. Daniel was part of our local staff and had been hired as an American to assist in security. He proved to be a near perfect dining companion. We arrived and promptly ordered beer and two Meat Pattys, Thank God he spoke Chinese, and we were not disappointed. They arrived and we immediately knew we had gotten what we were looking for.



Just look at that. Isn't that heaven on a plate? Next came the big dare of actually biting into something referred to as Meat Patty Explode the Stomach. OK, I'll go first.



Note the grease left behind on the plate. The best I can describe it as is some sort of Jimmy Dean sausage wrapped in dough and then fried on both sides like a potsticker. Overall, not a bad concept. They were absolutely incredible, if a bit greasy. We also ordered a plate of beef, that was prepared in the same manner as the fish from my previous visit. And I knew that during my next visit I had another goal. While eating, we also noticed many people eating something that appeared to be squid. It was always dipped in a strange brown sauce and looked quite fantastic. That would have to wait for another, for with the beef and the Meat Pattys we had had enough to eat.
Oh, did I mention that as we were sitting there, Daniel had a perfect view of the cook handing dishes out to the dining room, and aside from sweating like a pig, he was shirtless. Yes, hygiene. Alive and well in China.
The opening of the family center would put any more visits to Meat Patty on hold for a little while, but I was determined to make my way back and try that squid concoction. How would I ever explore all of Beijing if it was taking me so many visits to explore this very limited menu? I decided to work for depth instead of breadth. So, I would be back.
I did return on August 23, with another American, Sophia. We snuck out of the Family Center for an hour to have dinner. Beer, Meat Patty, and bust. She did an incredible job of describing a squid to the waitress, but she said they didn't have any. When a nearby table got exactly what we were looking for I asked Sophia to complain. She did, and we finally found what it was that I had been after. The waitress pointed to it on the menu and it was a word that Sophia didn't recognize. It didn't matter, because I now had my mission for the next visit. No matter what else was ordered I would be having the squid dish.



Me and my Meat Patty.

On August 26th, I found an unlikely dining partner, Craig. Craig works for Bank of America in charge of their entire US Olympic Team sponsorship, and is therefore my bosses bosses. I had been working over everyone I knew to get someone to go back with me, more because I felt they all needed a little adventure. Craig finally bit the hook. We went to dinner before the closing party. I knew how to order the squid and was by this time well versed in the Meat Patty.
As we ordered we saw a plate of food on another table that looked interesting and resembled beef I had had once before. We pointed to it and told the waitress we wanted it, we ordered some Meat Pattys and we ordered the "squid." A lot of food, but we were hungry. First, when the beef arrived it was not beef. When she set it down we thought it resembled mushrooms, and when I tried it I realized it was actually a plate of liver. Liver of what, I do not know, but it was liver and it was good, having been created using the same preparation as the spicy fish and the spicy beef. It was becoming clear that the chef only had one recipe which he applied to anything he could chop into bits and sautee.
On to the squid. It wasn't squid. I wish I had taken a picture so that I could show you what it was that we ate, but alas, I was too disgusted to actually photograph it. Yes, you read that right, I was disgusted. I'm convinced the fancy sauce it comes with, a quite tasty peanut sauce, is provided as a means of drowning out the taste of whatever this was. Some theorize it was sea cucumber. It was white and had tentacle things like a squid. However, every piece had tentacles, and the tentacles were all rectangular and flat in shape. Definitely not squid. This didn't deter us, and we both gave it a try. After three bites though, I had had all I could take. I don't know what part of it it was that didn't sit right with me, but the thought of a fourth bite made me want to gag.
Someday I will learn what this crazy food was. In the meantime, I have many a fond memory of my four trips to Meat Patty Explode the Stomach, and I have undying respect for the three poor suckers that were brave enough to go there with me. Therefore, I end this post with a salute. To Daniel, Sophia, and Craig, the only three that were willing to risk an exploding stomach, Montezuma's Revenge, and whatever else the shirtless, sweaty chef might have been cooking up in the kitchen. Here they are in order: